


I can express no kinder sign of love, than this kind kiss

by RiddleRedCoats



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: A badass idiot but an idiot nonetheless, Captain Philippa is an idiot, Emperor Georgiou is terrible at emotions, F/F, I didn't want to do this, I never meant to go this far, Meet the Family, Michael misses her Philippa, Pining, btw the character's death is philippa - it's not explicit though, philippa and michael were a thing and no one can convince me otherwise, sick!Michael, worried!Emperor Georgiou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-27 23:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13891818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddleRedCoats/pseuds/RiddleRedCoats
Summary: Two distinct Philippas reflect on their relationship with Michael Burnham.To one, Michael is an adventure, a love of many forms and the promise of a future.To another, Michael is the end, the pain of a thousand stab wounds and the redemption of a lifetime, if she so wishes.





	1. Part 1: Captain Philippa Georgiou

**Author's Note:**

> Soo yeah, if you read the tags, you'll understand that I never meant to actually write a fanfic about ST: Discovery. 
> 
> I never actually fell in love with a concept, character or paring enough to actually write a fanfic about it. (Except maybe Harry Potter, but that mess is never going to see the light of day without some serious reworking)
> 
> So, yeah. Thanks, Discovery, this a full day's work I'll never get back. But it was so worth it, I think. I hope.
> 
> Somethings before we start. There are a couple of Malay words in here and they are taken directly from Google translate, so if there is a mistake, sorry! And if you know a better translation tell me and I'll edit it. If anyone needs the translation:  
> Ibu - mother  
> sayang - darling  
> kakak - sister  
> adik-brother  
> kakak perempuan – little sister  
> adik lelaki – little brother

**USS Shenzhou  
** **April 21 st, 2256**

  


Captain Philippa Georgiou was a damn good captain. She knew it, her superiors knew it, and her subordinates knew it. She follows Starfleet protocol, rules, and regulations to the letter.

Until, she doesn’t.

And when she doesn’t, it’s usually for good reason. Like, making a course deviation from a diplomatic mission to stop a crazy, desperate cult of Human supremacists hellbent on blowing up one of the Vulcan Colonies near the Solar System.  Or, plotting a course through an asteroid field, in enemy territory, to defend a newly built Andorian settlement.

Or, more importantly, considering her current situation, going against all advise from friends, superior officers and her then-still-(but-not-for-long)-husband Nikos, taking in a Vulcan raised human under her ship’s wing.

Philippa clearly remembers the first time she met Michael Burnham, as if it had happened only yesterday. The young woman’s dark skin glowing under the transporters’ light and her cool, Vulcan conduct.  

She chuckles as she recalls her Number One’s reluctance to accepting her handshake. That, combined with the Vulcan attire only added to the young woman’s aloofness. It would have intimidated the best of people.

But Starfleet Captains aren’t the best of people. They are eccentric, exceptional, and extraordinary. And Philippa Georgiou is the best among the extraordinary.  So, she dismantles the awkward situation with her famous diplomacy.

And when a week later, Michael, after a challenging, disconcerting, and complicated week, where the young woman had inadvertently raised hell in engineering due to a miscommunication with the Chief Engineering Officer, came into her office and extended her hand in a situation mimicking their first meeting, Philippa knew she had made the right choice, despite difficult beginnings.

That had been the beginning of one of the most important relationships in Philippa’s life.

From that day on Philippa takes Michael under her wing, the young woman becoming her protégé in all but name.

Philippa had had many so-called protégés, her war curriculum being the envy of many officers and her affable nature drawing many young officers into her service. But no one had the raw, unfettered potential that Michael had.

While Michael rises through the Shenzhou ranks faster than any one person has done before, and Philippa is proud as a peacock whenever it happens, the moments that the Shenzhou’s captain truly cherishes are the ones where their friendship grows and grows into an incompressible force.

The young woman who had lost so much in her early life was an incredible paradigm of Vulcan and Human ideologies. Despite her Vulcan upbringing and calculated, precise manner of speaking, she was able to be charming and compassionate.

They had spent the better part of the first four years of their relationship, exploring both deep space and each other, much of the crew saw their bond grow and grow and it came that if Captain Georgiou was being irrationally cocky, as it happened to all Starfleet Captains, Michael was the one you called, or if Lieutenant Commander Burnham was being especially demanding that shift, after lunch with the captain, things were much more bearable.

After Michael promotion to Commander, things became much easier and yet much more complicated.

Their time together grew exponentially, putting them in more and more diverse situations. From a week spent undercover in a Human spy ring, to 5 hours a day of paperwork.

The time spent together allowed their relationship to grow to become much more than what each party intended to.

Philippa knew she had an attraction to her First Officer, hell you’d have to be blind to not see the sheer beauty, intelligence and kindness that shone in Michael’s eyes.  But nothing could ever come out of it. She was much too old for Michael and Starfleet regulations strictly frowned upon a relationship of such close and important rank.

She thought it would pass. It was just a crush, she’d say. They spent much of their time together, it was natural.

Still, she hadn’t known how bad she had it until she had impulsively invited Michael to her family’s summer get-together.  

_\---X---_

**_USS Shenzhou  
_ ** **_August 19 th, 2253_ **

**** _Philippa had never brought anyone home to meet the family._

_Correction: Philippa had never brought anyone home to meet the family. Unless she was seriously dating that person._

_So, it’s a huge surprise when she calls her mother and asks if she can bring a friend for the annual Georgiou family get-together. She spends an abnormal amount of time explaining to her mother that by ‘friend’, this time, she actually does mean friend._

_Her mother remains less than convinced but she does give her permission to bring whoever she wants._

_“Michael, mom. I’m bringing Michael.“_

_“Oh. You mean that boy you’ve taken under your wing?”_

_“Michael is a woman, mom. Woman.”_

_“Yes, yes, **sayang**. No need to un-crease your pants.”_

_Philippa blushes a little at her mother’s frequently used phrase._ She thinks she’s so damn funny. Just because Starfleet requires my pants to have creases doesn’t mean…

_Philippa’s mother laughs at her daughter’s predictable reaction, “Now, now **sayang**. No need to blush, what would your Michael say at such a display.” _

_If anything, Philippa’s blush intensifies, “ **Ibu** , please. I have a meeting in ten minutes.”_

_“Alright, alright. You may bring Michael. Anything I need to know about her?”_

_“Well, she’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, and an incredible scientist. She seems a little aloof at first, but she certainly comes around after a while. She’s surprisingly charming for her upbringing, is curious as a cat and as mischievous as one, if she wishes.”_

_Philippa’s mother laughs, again, “I meant is she allergic to anything, Pippa? But it is good that she is… incredible, was it?”_

_Philippa’s blush is back with a vengeance, “She is allergic to strawberries, mom,” Philippa then makes a mad dash to end the conversation, “Goodbye, mother. I have a meeting. Love you.”_

_Philippa’s mother is still laughing at her daughter, “Goodbye, Pippa. Tell your little girlfriend I’m looking forward to meeting her.”_

_Phillipa’s indignant, “ **IBU**!” does nothing for her mother’s laughter, except maybe, to extend it._

* * *

__

**_Georgiou Estate, Malaysian Countryside  
_ ** **_August 28 th, 2253_ **

_This estate had been in Georgiou’s family since the beginning of the 22 nd century and spans a couple hundred miles, it produces the largest export of Malaysian Blackwood. A wood commonly used for ancient musical instruments and with a good woodworker – and a lot of money – furniture._

_The house Michael and Philippa are driving towards is nothing big compared to the surrounding woods that Philippa spent her childhood roaming. It is 5-bedroom house, with a functional modern kitchen used for both traditional and replicated food. With only one floor, a huge backyard, where the meal will be served, and modest-sized pool, it doesn’t scream ‘luxury’ like many other family’s might have tried to do with their houses._

_Philippa sighs of happiness at the sight of her childhood home. She manoeuvres the car towards the garage and parks it there, next to 3 other cars belonging to her brothers and sister._

_Just as she’s about to leave the car, she turns to her Number One._ No, to your friend. Michael. Who you’ve brought to meet your family. _Philippa had been panicking on and off about this since she had impulsively, as it so often happens with Michael, invited her First Officer._

 _But she puts her nerves aside when she takes in Michael’s face. There’s nothing wrong with it._ Gods. _Philippa snorts._ As if there could be anything wrong with that gorgeous face, ever. _But the dark-skinned woman is looking rather…Vulcan, for the lack of a better word._

_“Michael, what’s wrong?”_

_The dark-skinned woman relaxes her features and looks down, “What if- I mean. What-if…”_

_Philippa understands Michael’s hesitance, “What if they don’t like you?”_

_Michael hides a wince and answers her, “It is illogical to think about such things. Not before they have happened.”_

_Philippa smiles tenderly at her friend, “Do you want them to like you?”_

_“I-I. Yes.”_

_Philippa chuckles._ She is adorable. _Philippa moves her hand towards the dark-skinned woman’s face and cups it._

_“My dear Michael,” Philippa ignores the slight shudder that runs through the young woman, and tries to contain her own, “you have nothing to fear. They will adore you.”_

_“How can you know? There is an 83.06% change they won’t like me. Especially with so many people.”_

_Philippa chuckles, and with her hand still in Michael’s face, she caresses the young woman’s gorgeous face, “All of them will like you, Michael, they are Georgiou. We are exceptional in every single way.”_

_“Of course they are Captain. If they’re anything like you, then it’s a wonder as to how you’re not ruling a galaxy by now.”_

_Philippa chuckles and as her lips move she realizes just how close they are._ A few more inches and I’ll know what its like.

_Michael’s eyes start to close as she instinctively moves in to capture Philippa’s lips. Just as they are about to touch for the first time, a loud, almost deafening sound makes them spring apart._

_Philippa is about to curse what the hell just ruined the moment when she notices the pointed stare of her mother’s cat atop her car’s hood. Philippa shakes her head at the cat and is about to flung him off the hood when her mother arrives at the door calling for the it._

_“Ah, Sid, there you are, you pretty thing.”_

_Philippa swallows all the curse words she had been planning on saying._

_“Hello, **ibu**.”_

_“Ah, **sayang** , good to see you,” they share a tight hug and then Philippa’s mother finally notices Michael, “Ah, you must be Michael. Pippa has told me so much about you.”_

_Michael, who still seems to be a little breathless and with a light blush on her cheeks, greets her as best she can, “Mrs. Georgiou, it’s an honour to meet you.”_

_“An honour, eh? We’ll see about that. And you must call me, Vera.”_

_“Very well, Vera. As you wish.”_

_“Ah, a well-behaved girl. It took me ages to get Nikos to understand the first rule about being a Georgiou. You work with my daughter, Michael, can you tell me what it is?”_

_Michael is at loss for words but remembers every personal conversation she had had with her Captain._ With Philippa. If what was about to happen back there is to happen again, Michael, you should call her Philippa.

_Michael, then responds without hesitation, “I believe, Vera, that rule one is. When in this we do as we’re told, exactly as we’re told, and we do it promptly. And the one who gives the orders around here is you.”_

_Vera laughs, and Michael suddenly feels like she’s having a vision of the future._ Illogical, _Michael chastises herself but as she takes in Vera’s figure, she can’t help but think._ If Philippa looks as good as her mother then I will be a lucky woman, if she decides to take me.

_Vera smiles at her daughter, “Oh Pippa, she’ll fit in just fine around here.”_

_Vera then takes Michael by her arm and guides her towards the kitchen and into the backyard, leaving Philippa behind to find the way for herself._ I hope this goes well, for both our sakes. 

_By the end of the meal, Philippa knows she has nothing to worry about. Her Michael had charmed the pants of off every member of the Georgiou family, almost effortlessly._

_Philippa is sure her aunt is ready to adopt her into their family as soon as they could get a lawyer to make it official. Her uncles are trying to draw her into their bizarre card game, her sisters-in-law want are scheduling a visit to the nearest museum, to show Michael a little of Malaysian culture. But her nieces and nephews are the ones that demand Michael undivided attention with stories from her adventures in space. Michael seems more than glad to share._

_Philippa thinks she might be swooning at the exchange. But she is interrupted one of her brothers._

_“Pippa, for gods’ sake. You’ll devour the girl alive with that look. Get a room, **kakak**.”_  


_Not just any brother, then. The man was not only Philippa’s height, he had also the exact same hair colour, eyes and birthday as Philippa herself. Indeed, Philippa Georgiou had a twin brother aptly named, Phillip. Her mother thought it was hilarious as had their father. ‘Little Pip and Pippa’, had been their joint nickname growing up. He was also a pain in her ass when it came to, well, anything._

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Pip.” Philippa scoffs inside her head at the terrible lie she’d just told._ Liar. You, Philippa Georgiou, are a liar.

_“You might want to tell that to your face, Pippa,” Phillip smiles as his sister glare at him, he’s more than used to it at this point, “I mean you look like you want to deflower her on top of our grandmother’s prized ivory table.”_

_Philippa’s eyes widen at her brother’s not-totally-incorrect-but-incredible-rude observation, “Phillip! For heaven’s sake, get a hold of yourself. What if she heard you?”_

_Phillip’s smirk has Philippa hoping hers doesn’t look quite the same._ Gods above, what an annoying little smirk.

_Phillip, smirk and all, continues, “So you’re not denying you want her, then?”_

_It’s Philippa’s eldest brother that responds, “You’d have to be blind to not want her, **adik lelaki**.”_

_“Stop looking at her like that, Steve.” Philippa’s immediate response had the two brothers in hysterics, “You have a wife.”_

_“What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.” Steven Georgiou, was a happily married man, he had no desire to cheat on his wife. Teasing his very accomplished sister however, was a worthy hobby._

_“You’re a jerk, Steve.” Philippa knew, **knew** they were only doing this to tease her, but she couldn’t help herself. Not when it came to Michael. _Stupid brothers. Ogling **my** First Officer. _She might be a little hypocritical, but in her defence, she knew Michael much longer, if anyone was going to-._ Going to what, Philippa? Go, into one of the room and have their way with her. Get a hold of yourself. You’re 51 years old, not 13.

_Phillip saw the self-deprecating spiral his sister was entering, “Pippa, c’mon. We’re just teasing. As if, she’d ever even look at us, anyway.”_

_“Phillip, you’re a single, good looking man. That’s nothing to sneeze at.”_

_“Why, thank you, Pippa. But I could be the sexiest man alive and she’d still only have eyes for you.”_  


_Philippa’s eyes close, unwilling to believe her brother. Only when a second has passed, and she can trust that her eyes are not welling with tears does she face her brother._  


_“Phillip, she’s 24 years younger than me. And she’s my first officer. Starfleet deeply frowns upon such close relationships among officers.”_

_“Pippa,” Phillip sighs, his sister’s devotion to Starfleet was well-known, “that girl over there,” Phillip sighs again as he tries to find the right words, “it’s like you told mom, she **is** incredible. Don’t you dare lose her.”_

_Philippa shoulders deflate, as the captain resigns herself to the truth “Does **everyone** know?”_

_Phillip laughs, “Pippa, if you act like you’ve been acting this whole afternoon on that ship of yours, then, I’m sorry, **kakak perempuan** , but yes. Everyone knows.”_

_Philippa eyes flutter shut at the very real possibility, “Oh, I’m so screwed.”_

_“Not yet. But you could be.”_

_Philippa glares at her brother, and this time the man starts running, laughing as his sister chases him throughout the whole backyard, yelling at him all the while their amused family watches on, “Would you **stop** saying that, you little jerk? And I’m **older** than you by 4 whole minutes, jackass!”_

_The whole afternoon passes in much the same fashion, when it is time to go to bed, Michael stays in the guest room while Philippa and Phillip share a bedroom._

_It’s the middle of the night, and Philippa can’t sleep so she rises from the bed, carefully as to not wake her brother, and goes to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. There she finds her mother._

_“I like her, Philippa. She’s good for you,” Vera smiles at her daughter, “she might even be **incredible**.”_

_Philippa rolls her eyes, exasperated by her mother’s teasing, “Mom, please.”_

_“Oh, alright. I’m sorry. Come, sit next to me,” Philippa does as her mother asks of her, “I know I’ve been teasing you a lot lately. But you’ve been so sad since your divorce and then a few months back you started being yourself again. I missed you, **sayang**.”_

_“I know, mom. I missed me too.”_

_“Smartass.”_

_“Learned from the best.”_

_“Naturally.”_

_A few moments silence as the women enjoy their hard earned, easy companionship. It’s Vera that breaks the silence._

_“Philippa, next time you bring her here, I expect you to share a room, understood?”_

_Philippa smiles at her mother’s support, “Yes, **ibu**. I was thinking Christmas.”_

_Vera nods, pleased with her child’s plan, “Well done, Philippa. Very well, done.”_

_\---X---_

**USS Shenzhou  
** **April 21 st, 2256**

And indeed, that same year, when they had gone back to Philippa’s childhood home, they had stayed in the same room. Much to Phillip’s amusement and later annoyance as he had had little sleep for the next week while sharing a wall with the newly formed couple.  


Her choice to bring Michael with her to meet her family had been incredible bold, as had been her decision to bring the Vulcan raised woman on the ship, but Captains always have had to deal with the dilemma of _‘high risk, high reward’._ Luckily for Philippa, her gambles when it came to Michael always came with a high reward.

They had been able to maintain an exemplary working relationship, and although they maintained their relationship in secret, they knew that their relationship was the worst kept secret in the ship, if not the entire Federation.

Nevertheless, Starfleet regulations existed for a reason. It had been 3 years since they started their relationship, with Michael moving on soon to her own command, maybe they could finally take that next step in their relationship. Philippa wondered if her mother still had that ring she had talked about.

She is brought out of her musings by the raspy, sleepy voice of her Number One.

“Phi’ppa, come back to bed.”

Philippa smiles at the admittedly adorable picture of Michael in her bed, tangled from head to toe with Starfleet issue sheets. 

Philippa puts down her cup of tea in her cabin’s sink and answers her lover.

“Coming, darling.”

As she enters the warm bed, Michael turns towards her. Philippa smiles and kisses Michael’s mouth in a quick, loving, goodnight kiss. She settles for the night, warm and content in the cocoon they have created for themselves in this cabin.

Captain Philippa Georgiou was a damn good captain. She knew it, her superiors knew it, and her subordinates knew it. She follows Starfleet protocol, rules, and regulations to the letter.

Until, she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have guessed there is another chapter with Emperor Philippa. I decided to separate them cause its late where I am and I have work in the morning. The second part should be up tomorrow.
> 
> So yeah, tell me what you guys thought. Reviews are always 110% wanted.
> 
> Now, excuse me while I go read all the fanfic about Philippa and Michael.


	2. Chapter 2: Emperor Philippa Georgiou

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This can be seen as a sort of continuation of the last chapter. As in, everything that happened on the show, happened and this chapter takes place a month after the Season finale.

**November 13 th, 2257**

Philippa Georgiou, former Emperor of the Terran Empire and Overlord of Vulcan, hasn’t gotten used to this Universe.

Yet.

No one trembles with dread at the sight of her. No one tries to please her every whim. No one eyes her with barely contained terror. At least, not at first. She needs to manipulate, deceive, steal, murder and assassinate to even get a side-eye in the not-so-virtuous-part of the Universe she finds herself in.

She curses, not for the first time in this past month, this Universe’s version of her daughter for not letting her die on her own terms. _Michael Burnham, a pain in my side in any universe, apparently._

Philippa cusses in her native Malaysian as she dodges phaser fire from the underground criminal mogul she has just pissed off.  Philippa takes a sharp turn, into a crowded market, hoping to lose the mogul and her thugs, and despite her precarious situation, smiles. _At least these thugs respond to my plans accordingly._ Philippa scoffs as she remembers last month’s ditch effort to end the war. _Unlike, some organizations._  

As if the Universe was listening to her, as she passes through one of the tents she bumps into a tall, Kelpien-shaped form.

The Kelpien looks at Philippa and impulsively rights the Asian woman’s position as she staggers backwards. His ganglia sprung to life as he remembers that his former captain is dead, and that this woman used to be an Emperor of a fascist, colonizing, slavery-oriented Empire.

Acting Captain Saru shivers as his ganglia work in overdrive. _Not good, Saru. Not. Good._

Philippa is startled by the impact but recovers swiftly and quickly looks around her. Luckily, the thugs no longer have a visual on her position. She turns to the Kelpien, fire in her eyes and demands as-if it is her right, “Listen here, Kelpien, you better get us out of this planet, before we cause a scene and all these nice people here will be blown into smithereens in about 3 minutes.”

The Kelpien, despite the fact that in the past few months he’d been more confident than ever, blindly follows the former Emperor’s demand as if she’d been Captain Philippa Georgiou of the Federation, herself.

Saru tapped his combadge at the same time as he grabs Philippa and commands, “Lieutenant Rhys, two to beam up.”

Philippa feels the common tingling sensation as the transporter does its work. Next thing she knows, she’s in the same room where she first entered this universe. She breathes an irritated sigh as the Discovery’s bright lights hurt her photosensitive eyes.

Nevertheless, the dark-haired woman looks at the Kelpien specimen with nothing but utter contempt in her eyes, “Very well done, Mr. Saru. Now, drop me off at the next star system and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Capt-,” Saru stops as he remembers who he is talking to, “Emp-,” the Kelpien seems confused as to what to call the woman, so he desists in finding a name, “We want you off this ship as soon as possible,” the acting captain seems to find his steel, and before the former colonizer can mock him, he adds quickly, “however, we need to acquire something from this planet. So, for now you are confined to the guest quarters.”

Philippa laughs, “Ah! The mighty Federation of Planets, looking for illicit products at the centre of the galactic black market,” Philippa’s amusement is not shared by the Starfleet officers present in the room, “my, my… I wonder… What could possibly merit such a **_breach_** in Federation protocol.”

The Kelpien’s ganglia, which haven’t completely soothed out yet, seem to spring to life once more. Saru, takes a calming breath, and decides to answer her question, “Michael Burnham was infected with a deadly poison 13 hours ago. This planet is the only one where the plant needed for the antidote can be found.”

Philippa’s broken, hardened heart seems to snag in response to the news. The former Emperor is surprised by her emotional reaction. _She’s not your daughter. And even if she was, she betrayed you. They both did, in their own way. Don’t be weak, Philippa._

It’s because of her internal tirade, that her next words surprise both herself and the acting captain, “I wish to see her.”

The Kelpien’s wide eyes, widen even more. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees Lieutenant Rhys’ eyes do the same. No one wants the former Emperor to see Michael. A fact that doesn’t escape Philippa’s sharp perception.

“Oh, come on. How can I possibly make it worse? She’s already dying.” Philippa is not sure why her impulses tell her to go and visit Michael, but now that she has voiced the desire to do so, she isn’t going to back down.       

The Kelpien looks appraisingly at the former Emperor, “Lieutenant Duke and Lieutenant Ruth, take-,” again, Saru hesitates, then finally settles on, “Georgiou to see Specialist Burnham.”

Philippa nods at him as she moves between the two officers to be taken to where Michael is. As they travel to their destination, Philippa takes notice that they are not going to sickbay. She knows this path.

“Why are we going to the brig?”

The two security officers look at each other, wondering what they should tell. The redhead woman is the one who answers, “Specialist Burnham is highly contagious, at the moment. And the sickbay is full of people. The brig is the only place that has anti-contamination fields.”

Philippa nods even as she finds herself mildly irritated by the way they are treating the young woman. _She saved your asses, and this is what she gets?_

As they enter the brig, she notices Sylvia Tilly fast asleep in a chair near the cell where Michael is. The woman’s hideous ginger hair falling all over the place and her position on the chair couldn’t possibly be comfortable in any universe.

Philippa moves towards the fast-asleep woman and shakes her awake.

“Wh-What?” Tilly looks unbearably confused. When she finally sees who woke her up, she leaps backwards, sending herself and her chair crashing towards the ground, “What are you doing here? Are you here to hurt Michael? I won’t let you. You’ll have to go through me. How can you think about hurting her? Can’t you see she’s so hurt already.”

The former Emperor raises her hand in a silencing gesture. Tilly quietens immediately, still more than a little terrified of the woman.

Only when the room descends into blessed silence, does Philippa turn her gaze towards the cell and its patient.

Tilly is right. Michael looks terrible. Philippa takes it all in, the way that Michael’s usual dark, beautiful, bright skin was clammy with sweat, her hair, usually well-maintained and tightly bound, was jumbled all over the place, her forehead wrinkled in pain, and her writhing on the make-shift cod. Despite her being passed out, all her unconscious movements painted a picture of unbearable pain.

As Philippa observed Michael’s physical state, Tilly, sensing she was intruding on a particularly private moment between her friend and the former Emperor, left the room to give the women some privacy.

Philippa can’t take her eyes of off Michael’s devastated form. It brings her back to when her own Michael had been sick. It had rarely happened, her Michael had been strong, resilient even, but it had happened. And when it did, it left Philippa in a state she despised being in. She had felt utterly helpless.

There were few things Philippa had truly loved in her previous Universe. Her power and her daughter were the only constant source of love she had left in her. To see her Michael in any kind of pain had been something akin to the influence of an agonizer. Philippa was dismayed to find that it also applied to this Michael.

She moves as close to the cell as the barrier lets her, and to her surprise sees Michael lips moving. Whatever the woman is saying, is lost in the distance between them. Philippa then wonders if Starfleet had been incompetent enough to not change her voice print in the computers system.

“Computer, boost audio from the cell.”

“Acknowledged, Captain Georgiou. Welcome aboard.”

Philippa snorts, “Pathetic. The sheer incompetence of these people.”

Her thoughts are interrupted by Michael’s pained voice whispering between her delusions.

“Philippa.”

The former Emperor’s eyes widen, and she moves forward to go to the debilitated woman but is stopped by the still active barrier.

“Computer, disengage barrier.”

“Unable to comply.”

Michael continues to writhe on the bed, “Philippa. Philippa, I’m **_so_** sorry.”

Philippa, now nearing uneasiness, asks again, “Computer, disengage barrier.”

“Unable to comply.”

“Why?” Philippa demands of the computer.

“Only Captain Saru, or the medical staff may disengage the barrier.”

“But she is getting worse.”

“Incorrect. Specialist Burnham’s condition remains unaltered.”

“So, they just left her here. To suffer alone.”

The computer is silent, but Philippa’s mind is racing. _How could have they left her here, alone. She’s sick, for God’s sake._

Philippa decides then to take the seat Tilly had been occupying just before she came in. _She dies when I say the time has come and not a minute sooner._

As Philippa stands vigil over Michael, she eventually closes her eyes and enters a light slumber. She can never sleep much, this universe’s quantum frequency messing up her previous well-regulated sleep schedule.

She stirs from her nap as the sound of footsteps reaches her.

Acting Captain Saru and two medical officers enter the room with a hypospray. It’s the Kelpien that speaks.

“I see you’re still here. We’re about to administer the antidote, and afterwards we’re moving her to her quarters.”

“I see.”

"If you wish, you may go to her quarters and wait for her to wake."

"What I wish is to get off this ship."

"In 3 hours we'll reach the next system and we'll drop you off there."

"3 hours? I thought this was the most advanced ship in the Federation."

"And it is. But our drive is currently unavailable. So we go by warp drive."

Philippa sighs, but nods understandingly. 

"Then I'll wait in Michael's quarters"

"Very well, she'll be up soon."

When Philippa does arrive at Michael's room, 3 decks up from the brig, the young woman is already in her bed

Philippa sits in Michael's scarcely decorated room and waits. The former Emperor watches as Michael slowly, but surely starts to stir up. When Michael, finally opens her eyes and sets them on Philippa, she smiles, relieved.

"Philippa, I had the most terrible dream."

The only thing keeping Philippa from ruining Michael's delusion is the fact that it would be too much a hassle to explain everything, at least that's what Philippa tells herself.  _That's my story and I'm sticking to it._

Michael tried to sit up and instead ends up in a coughing fit, Philippa rises from her chair in the corner and sits in a corner of the bed, helping Michael through her coughing fit. Once it has passed, Michael looks up at her and whispers adoringly, 

 “Philippa.”

Michael serene, intimate tone takes Philippa by surprise. _My Michael never spoke to me quite like that._

Michael raises herself up and brings her face close to Philippa’s. Before the former Emperor can react, Michael lifts her hand to the back of Philippa’s neck and pulls her towards her, their lips meeting in the process.

While Michael happily whimpers at the somewhat familiar kiss, Philippa’s mind is spinning at warp speed, she doesn’t dare move her lips, thinking it might be taken as encouragement; she doesn’t dare move her hands to embrace Michael as she would to any lover, and she most certainly doesn’t try to deepen the kiss.

Philippa just stands stock still as Michael Burnham throws herself at her.

She’s about to push her away when Michael seems to return to her senses.

“Oh, Philippa, I missed you.”

Or not.

Michael then buries her face in Philippa’s chest and promptly passes out.

Philippa, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of revelations in the past few minutes, sits on that bed, with a passed-out Michael in her arms.

As she regains some of her brain functions, she leaps from the bed rather clumsily despite years of martial-arts training.

She takes inventory of the past few minutes. _She kissed me. She **kissed** me. What kind of… I don’t even know. She’s **my daughter**!_ Philippa’s tirade is interrupted by voice in her head, asking ‘Is she?’, to which the answer is an obvious ‘yes’. _But is it, though? This Michael has no idea what my Michael and I have been through. She’s-She’s not my daughter. But…_

Philippa’s thoughts are interrupted by a moan coming from the bed.

Philippa wide eyed, fearfully glances towards the bed and sees Michael, lying face down at the awkward angle Philippa had hastily left her in.

Just when she was starting to think she’d imagined the sound she hears Michael murmuring the name, “Philippa”, in such a lewd tone that it has Philippa fleeing the room altogether.

Only when Philippa exits Michael’s room and the door closes behind her, does she breathe a sigh of relief. _Just put it out of your mind Philippa. Just another hour and you’ll be out of this infernal ship._

Philippa leaves the vicinity of Michael room and walks towards the transporter room to wait out the trip.

After an hour has passed, it is Lieutenant Detmer, the redhead woman with a scar, that come into the room to get her off this shit. _It’s about damn time._

“Captain, are you ready to beam out?”

“More than, Lieutenant. More than.”

Just as Lieutenant Detmer is about to beam her off the ship a voice runs out, “Leaving so soon?”

Philippa turns around as sees herself face-to-face with the last person she wanted to see.

“Michael.”

The young woman, without taking her eyes of off the former Emperor, orders, **_orders_ ** the lieutenant in the room.

“Lieutenant Detmer, I would like to speak to Philippa alone please.”

Detmer, who had served aboard the Shenzhou, was well aware of the story between the two women and in a surprising move, the scarred redhead leaves the room after putting her hand on Michael’s shoulder and muttering an almost mutinous, “Good luck, Commander.”

Michael smiles and nods at the departing redhead.

Philippa recovering some of her demeanour praises Michael, “So, you do have some commanding skills.”

Michael moves towards her and when she's within a foot of her, the dark-skinned woman smiles at her, in a rather lascivious  manner that has Philippa's heart doing back-flips inside her chest. And then Michael speaks, 

“Was it commanding enough to your satisfaction, Emperor?”

The flirty tone had Philippa nearing a breakdown, again.

Michael decides to take pity on the Emperor, “Wow. So **_that’s_** how you knock down an Emperor.”

Philippa recovers quickly enough, “You haven’t quite taken me down yet, Specialist.”

“I believe you called me ‘Michael’, not 2 hours ago. Granted, I was a bit out of it.”

“Very well, **_Michael_**.”

“I realize that what you’ve learned in this past hour as been… surprising to you.”

Philippa snorts, “That’s the understatement of the millennium.”

Michael smiles, “No need for hyperbole, Philippa.”

“At least, now I understand why you didn’t call me mother in my universe.”

“Indeed,” Michael nods at the emperor’s astute observation, and decides to have a little fun with her, “that was never one of our… ** _plays_**.”

The insinuation is not lost on Philippa, who almost imploringly asks, “Please, Michael. No more, you’ve proven your point.”

“And what was my point, Philippa?” Michael, who had no ulterior motive, besides teasing the usually composed woman, was rather perplexed.

“That no matter our relationship, your fate is to betray me.”

Philippa’s almost self-deprecating tone causes Michael’s usually calm temper to flame to the point of exasperation “Oh, by the Gods, Philippa. There is no such thing as fate.”

“But you said so yourself…”

“That our bond reaches across universes, yes. We are always meant to meet, Philippa. In any universe, I believe that to the marrow of my bones. But it's our needs that define our relationship for us. Not fate. Who knows what happens in other universes.”

Philippa is understandably confused.

“But…I don’t understand.”

“Phillipa.” Michael’s amused tone, does nothing to calm Philippa’s racing mind, “I had two sets of parents in this Universe. When I met you," Michael winces at her mistake, "I mean, when I met  _ ****_ _ **her**_ , I had no need for more parenting . In **_your_** Universe I needed a mother, in this one I needed a Captain. A friend. A lover.”

Philippa nods, and utters a rather astonished, “I see.”

Michael chuckles, “I recognize that this can’t be easy for you.”

“Oh? You mean the fact that there is a universe in which my daughter and I…” Philippa can’t even finish the sentence.

Michael shakes her head, “I am not your daughter, Philippa. And just like you’re nothing like my Philippa, I am also nothing like your Michael.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Oh, but I am.”

Michael’s steel tone, surprises Philippa.

“Oh? How so?”

“From my limited knowledge of your Universe, your Michael betrayed you out of greed and selfishness.” Michael takes a deep breath, before the next sentence, “Meanwhile, I betrayed my Philippa because I couldn’t bear to watch her die.”

Philippa scoffs at the sentimentality, “You’re weak.”

“No, Philippa. I am not,” Michael smiles understandingly at her, “and I hope that someday you realize that.”

Philippa watches on as Michael moves away from her and towards the transporter’s console before entering the coordinates into it. As Philippa disappears from the room, her last vision is of Michael Burnham’s enchanting smile directed at her.

Philippa Georgiou, former Emperor of the Terran Empire and Overlord of Vulcan, hasn’t gotten used to this Universe.

She doubts she ever will.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep that's how it ends. I know some might be disappointed with the Mirror!Philippa/Michael relationship, but while I love the concept of Philippa and Michael's relationship as romantic, I can't, in good conscience support Mirror!Philippa/Michael, not without some serious slow burn. If anyone wants to write that, please do. *wink wink nudge nudge* 
> 
> I think I like this chapter better than the last one, but oh well.
> 
> Again, reviews are always 110% wanted.


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